The humor archive. Some of this will leave you Rolling On the Floor Laughing. Some of it won't. It all amuses me, or I wouldn't have put it here.
These files have come to me via the internet, and even before then. Some of it is from the BBS days before I was really on the net. Some of it is badly dated, but possibly interesting to read anyway. The really old stuff also has a habit of showing up again in new forms, so consider this a way of documenting What Has Gone Before.
Just to make sure the clueless are appropriately notified: I didn't write any of this stuff. Just because there is no attribution doesn't mean I am clever enough to come up with any of this. I'm not. But it does all entertain me, and it might entertain you, so here it is for the viewing pleasure of all.
Enjoy:
Yet another place where they talk funny. |
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From the ENRON and WorldComm scandals. |
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Thoughts on life with a dog. |
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How dumb do airlines think we are, really? |
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The code. |
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One bright day in the middle of the night... |
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A good question. |
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Cynical. Probably more useful in the end than Desiderata. |
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Thoughtful. |
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Techies as significant others. A how-to. |
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A comparison of the differences. |
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Real Programmers. |
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Good advice. |
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If you wanted to shoot yourself in the foot. |
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Differences in outlook explained. |
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Microsoft comments on burning out |
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A story about little quizies. |
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The end of big and purple. |
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A "virtual horoscope", whatever that is. |
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A horoscope. Claims to be accurate. |
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A comment on who likes to connect to what. |
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The '!' in short supply. |
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If you ever have to use one again, here's how to keep it in good shape. |
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I can't do this sober or drunk. |
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Sex internationally. |
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What driving to the store would be like if cars were operating systems. |
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If the toilet had a name. |
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Identifying assorted types of professors. |
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How assorted systems find a needle in a haystack. |
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How to avoid the draft (in case it comes back)... |
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The diary of a cat... |
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Vehicles (and drivers) to stay away from. |
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Always good advice. |
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How not to get your PhD. |
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How software chickens cross a road. |
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A how-to on surviving giving a cat a bath. |
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How to decode IT job titles. |
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Quite a good, old-fassioned, hand-crafted, complaint. |
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Poe's cat on the raven. |
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What to iron, and why. |
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A joke about the old Pentium divide bug. |
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Things learned there |
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Concepts at play |
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Fun you may not have thought of |
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Lifecycle of a programmer |
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Increasing technical awareness |
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Be considerate. |
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Disney heroines get together |
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A provisional FAQ |
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File transfer 101 |
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Another Alice... Another Wonderland... |
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That's why I called this song "Alice's PDP-10". |
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The remaking of HAL 9000 |
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A DOS Tale |
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How to manage a roommate. |
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101 Reasons Women Prefer Cucumbers to Men |
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The difference between men and women. |
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Room service. For those who travel. |
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A poem illustrating the dangers of blindly trusting spell checkers. |
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A coding story involving jelly donuts. |
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"God created the bit. And the bit was a zero." |
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A song about the day AOL suffered a 19-hour outage. |
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Tech support for what comes (goes?) naturally there. |
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You know you are drinking to much when... |
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English assignment gone horribly wrong. Or did it...... |
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Lines found in an office wastebasket, supposedly... |
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| A parable about schedules, cycle times, and shaping new behaviors. |
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What not to do with/around computers. |
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What REAL computer people are actually like. |
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| How many people does it take... |
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| Consumer Reports takes a look at girlfriends. And an update from a Technical User. |
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| Relatives of the famous painter. |
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| How to tell when to throw that science experiment out. |
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| 100 Reasons its good to be a man. |
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| If they made toasters. |
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| The Haiku list. |
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| If I became an Evil Overlord |
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| A poem. |
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| A different kind of wonderland... |
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| This is not the Christmas song you are looking for. |
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| Quotes, small jokes, and other simple stuff. |
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| You have two cows... |
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| If operating systems were beer... |
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| How to handle that rejection letter for the job you wanted so badly... |
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| Why did the chicken cross the road? |
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| A couple of takes on rules men wished women knew. |
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| How to choose a urinal in the gents. |
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| "He showed them both a shiny metal box with two slots in the top, a control knob, and a lever." |
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| If houses were specified like software often is. |
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| As in real life, so goes the online world, once in a while. |
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| A review of one of the good doctor's works. |
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| "Here, eat this root." |
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| TA - Thinkers Anonymous |
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You want to put this up at work. You know you do. |
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Humorous thoughts. |
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What are you equipped to do? |
The main thing about these ones is that they are true, actually happened, or are otherwise verifiable.
| When an ISP runs out of candy. |
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| To Leap, or Not to Leap? |
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That feeling you get when you've deleted all the files on a system, and how to recover from it. |
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Busted with a illicit groundhog. |
I post very few actual jokes. Mostly this is because there are so many other internet joke archives. The best is the "Rec.Humor.Funny" archive. However, some amuse me so much that I want to keep them around.
Sucks to be this guy. |
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A suitable reward. |
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A New York joke, involving a costume party. |
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Be careful what you wish for... |
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What comes first, the chicken, or the egg? |
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Why they call him what they do. |
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Show him your cross. |
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Living in Hell |
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So bad, I have nothing witty to say about it. |
Assorted "12 Days", "Twas' the Night Before..." take offs. There are enough of these to make a whole section.
Night before, New York City style. |
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| "On the 12th day of the Eurocentrically imposed midwinter festival, my potential-acquaintance-abuse-survivor gave to me..." |
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"On the first day of Christmas, technology gave to me..." |
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"Twas the night before Christmas and Santa's a wreck..." |
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| 'Twas the Night before Solstice..." |
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| "Twas da night befo' Christmas and all in the hood..." |
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"'Twas the nocturnal segment of the diurnal period preceding the annual Yuletide celebration..." |
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On the Net Before Christmas |
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Another "Night Before". |
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"Twas the night before implementation and all through the house" |
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Okay, so it ain't Christmas, but it's still the Night Before. |
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"Twas the night before Christmas and all through the casa..." |
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"Twas the nite after christmas and all through the house" |
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Santa Clause is Tapping Your Phone |
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The X-Files investigate... |
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Microsoft takes over Christmas... two different ways. |
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| "Twas the month after Christmas..." |
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| A few choice excerpts from Santa's Corporate Newsletter |
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| Why Santa shouldn't exist. |
I am fascinated with this stuff, even though for the most part it can be done easier than drawing actual pictures these days.
You might be asking yourself why I'm putting a picture of Barney, who is evil incarnate, on this site. You need to look at the next one of these to understand. |
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Evil uncovered. |
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Our favorite smiling face... |
Some of the things in my humor collection still had copyright notices on them, so I haven't put them up. However, the links below represent the actual net locations I could find for those works.
Also listed here will be web sites I find entertaining.
If you are like me, you will be sickened by this to the point of wondering if it should be in the humor section. But until you look at this site, it is pretty funny. |
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The Koala thing (towards the bottom) was in the humor collection along with the other ASCII art. Rowan's stuff is very cool. |
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The web site I wished mine was, though I don't need the retro thing that works so well on this site. Entertaining. Check out the food section. |
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Sending IP via Avian Carriers (Pigeons). How could we leave this one out? |
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How a disclaimer should be writen. |